By: Lisa B., Transformations Alumni Coordinator
The term FOMO “fear of missing out” has gained a lot of attention the last few years with the rise in social media usage but it is something that I experienced myself long before the term was coined in 2004 and even longer before Myspace hit the scene some years later (yes, I am getting old).
The Merriam Webster Dictionary defined FOMO as a fear of missing out and a fear of not being included in something, such as an enjoyable activity that others are enjoying.
I can remember feeling that I needed to attend every birthday party or sleepover that I was invited to as a kid. If I was not able to make it, I would become anxious, wonder what fun I was missing out on, and hoping that I would not be left out of all my friends new inside jokes come Monday on the bus. This feeling progressed into teenage years, and I would find myself out every weekend, even if I had homework to do or was not feeling up to it because I so desperately wanted to be part of. My strong desire to be a part of and stay connected with others often landed me in situations I should not have been in, and little time for self-reflection and care. I also found myself spending more time than I should have scrolling aimlessly on social media, comparing my weekends and life to those around me.
I remember being astonished to learn how many others experienced this desperate desire to be part of, especially folks in recovery for mental health and substance use disorders. Wanting to have meaningful connections is part of human nature, but many begin to struggle to be alone with their thoughts. The behaviors tied to ones FOMO can lead to compulsive behaviors in order to maintain the human attachment they are craving.
For those of us in recovery from substance use, we may remove the substances from our bodies, but old behaviors and low self-worth may remain, and it takes some digging, self-reflection and hard work to tweak things that are no longer serving us. Being part of the recovery community is a great way to develop stronger interpersonal relationships and satisfy that need but it is also important to work towards being okay with taking a step back from stuff when needed and setting boundaries.
There are many ways to combat FOMO. The biggest one for me has been limiting time spent on social media. I remind myself daily that people are only showcasing the most glamorous parts of their lives on their socials. Like me, they also probably have a job that they go to Monday through Friday, have chores to do, doctors’ appointments tend to, and real life struggles. The fun that I am seeing them have on Instagram is not an accurate representation of their daily lives. When I find myself going down the rabbit hole and getting sucked into the “their life looks way more interesting than mine trap,” it is usually time to put the phone down for a bit.
Another helpful technique to combat FOMO is to practice gratitude daily. It is helpful to consider all the good things that we do have going on in our lives, and to even consider all of the fun experiences we have had in the past. Just because we need to sit out on an activity this coming weekend, does not mean we will never have fun again.
It is also helpful to analyze the relationships that you have. Are the people that you are wanting to surround yourself with people that are there for the long-haul? I have realized that the best type of friendships are ones where I can take some time to myself, and pick up back where we left off like no time has passed. If the people that we are surrounding ourselves with will dismiss us or no longer be our friend because we missed out on a couple parties or events, they are likely not in your best interest.
Lastly, it is easy to glamorize partying and past experiences we have had when things were “still fun.” I have to frequently remind myself that it is okay that those memories are in the past. Using substances was only fun for so long and it got ugly quick. If I am being honest with myself, I know that I can never go back to those early days of using without things becoming disastrous very quickly. Instead, I can make an effort to make new fun memories in recovery that don’t involve partying, and that fit into my life in a more balanced way.
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