By: Mike Murphy, Manager of Alumni Services
As most of you already know, I am a Marine Corps Veteran. And one of the biggest blessings I have in life is to remain in contact with so many of the outstanding Men I served with. Not only for the support and memories, but for what we can offer each other. Just this past week I was offered an amazing opportunity by one of my Brothers. To come spend five days at a Veteran’s retreat in the pristine beauty that is, Warhorse Ranch in Steamboat Springs, Colorado.
My buddy Mike started Warhorse a few years back after fighting his own battles with PTSD and brain injury. Through a program he attended with Wounded Warrior Project, Mike found the healing powers of equine therapy. Similar to what we offer at our very own Mending Fences. It was at that point, he decided he not only wanted to continue working with horses himself, but wanted to help others in the process. And through a ton of hard work and dedication, after a few years him and his wife, Val, were able to open their own ranch. Warhorse was born!
Mike and I have remained in contact over the years, and he has followed my story and my progress. And when he invited me to come join a retreat, I knew I had to take that opportunity. I will be honest, though. At first, I was a little hesitant. And only because it sounded like I would be taking a vacation to go immerse myself in what I already do for a living. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks…..This opportunity wasn’t for me to go help others, it was for me to go help MYSELF. Something I preach to people on a weekly basis. It’s called a “Road to Recovery” for a reason and every day I wake up, I am still on its path. But who knows, maybe I could help some others in the process. 
Now, Mike and I had not seen each other in about 20 years. But you wouldn’t have known that by the way we reconnected a few days before the start of the retreat. It was like it was just yesterday we were on base smoking and joking. When it came time to meet the others, I was a little nervous. What would they be like? Would they be like me? Do they also have survivor’s guilt? And the biggest one…..is anyone else going to be in recovery? We went to the first group exercise and all questions were answered. Was everyone just like me? No. And was that ok? Yep. Even though we were different, we were very much the same and shared some of the same problems. That first activity couldn’t have been a better ice breaker. Just like you wouldn’t have known Mike and I hadn’t seen each other in twenty years, you never would have known that we all had just met. The conversations started clicking almost immediately. Which is something I have found happens almost naturally when you put a group of Veterans together. There were even two civilian participants, and you wouldn’t have known this if someone hadn’t told you. We were a team and we were in this together.
Then came the horses. I have had some contact with these beautiful beasts up in Ocala at Mending Fences, but never like I was about to. From a therapeutic sense. And it was a bit intimidating. My mind naturally went to, “What if none of them like me? What if I am the weirdo that none of the horses connect with?”. Just reading that last sentence made me realize how much I needed to be there and amongst the horses. Well, low and behold we do an exercise where we would get very vulnerable and very honest. Not only with ourselves, but the other participants and the AMAZING team that was there for us. I remember I wanted to go last. Not because I wanted to go out with a bang, but because I was so nervous. And when it came my time, I did the exercise and then stood at the front of the Horse Arena to field questions from the other participants and staff. I could feel my heard racing. My hands were fidgety. I was going to have to explain to them some of my fears and some of my perception issues I had with myself. And then it happened.
As I was sharing my fears and insecurities I felt a very large presence beside me. I tried to not pay attention to it and stick to task at hand. Which was a very uncomfortable task. Well, this large presence decided it wanted to make itself more well known to me and placed his head on my shoulder. It was Chance. A beautiful horse known as a “Quarter”. Chance wanted to let me know he was there for me. He also wanted to remind me to breathe and release. He did this by breathing and “releasing” along with me. He would release through a series of breaths but also some mouth movements, showing me that he was calm and a part of this. It was like something I had never felt. A presence larger than life knew to come to me and assist me. I had heard all the stories about horses knowing how to connect with people and put them at ease, but like I said in the beginning, I was convinced I would the be odd one out. Chance assured me that wouldn’t be the case. And just like that, we became BFF’s. 
Over the course of the next few days, where Chance was, I was. If there was a group exercise where a horse was needed, as sure as God’s got sandals, I was choosing him. And in a few situations, he chose me. I would find myself talking to him and confiding in him. Becoming vulnerable with him. Something I had difficulty doing with humans I have known most of my life. Yet here I was. Chopping it up with Chance. All the way to the end of the retreat Chance was my sidekick.
Even though I have been in recovery for 4.5 years, now……I am still learning on a daily basis. And I continue to keep my mind open. Usually, it’s for other people. But now I was keeping an open mind to an animal. And I cannot help but think Chance was keeping an open mind to me. Two strangers. Very different from one another, but on the same page. It wasn’t Man vs. Animal, it was Man & Animal. And whether he knew it or not, he was giving me another “chance” at healing. Something that is an ongoing process. I miss him, already!
I guess in the ramblings of this blog I am trying to say, keep an open mind to people, places, things, opportunities and also the unexpected places healing can come from. And who/what the healing can come from. In my case, it took place in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. From the wonderful team at Warhorse Ranch and to the most unknowing therapist, ever…..Chance.
Until next time, my friend.
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