By: Michael Murphy, Manager of Alumni Services
Ahhh yes. “New Beginnings.” One of the many phrases we will hear routinely in recovery. Especially in early
recovery. And why not? I think I can speak on behalf of most people in our situation, that suddenly life becomes full of firsts and new beginnings. After all, life as we knew it is going to be almost unrecognizable from what we were accustomed to. And while most of these new beginnings and firsts are welcomed with open arms, some can be intimidating. Let’s talk about it.
For my entire adult life, I abided by one simple motto. “Work hard, play harder.” And boy did I. This was not only the case while in the Marine Corps, but also afterward. I was a tattoo shop manager for almost a decade and a bartender. Not exactly two professions conducive to someone with an alcohol problem. So, when I left Transformations in 2020, I knew those were not an option for me. I needed to get a “real job.” My first sober job. I was extremely fortunate to have found a job working for a guy who was also in recovery. I got introduced to him by my sponsor at the time. It was the lowest-paying job I had ever had (outside of the Marines) and not the most glamorous. I was more or less a maintenance worker/landscaper/pool boy. But, he took great care of me, helped me out when I needed it, and made sure my work did not get in the way of my recovery.
Sure, while I wasn’t rolling in money and living that big life, I was sober and making the right decisions. I also think that it’s important to point out that I never would have had this opportunity had I not gone to meetings right away after leaving Transformations, speaking, and doing service. I met my first sponsor by volunteering to stay after a meeting and help clean the room. In all honesty, I feel this helped pave the way for my early recovery. Going to meetings and doing service. I will forever preach the importance of this to people.
When I moved out of halfway, I moved in with a friend/co-worker of mine who was also in recovery. We had both been in halfway for a while and were ready to take the next step. Obviously, I was excited to get out of halfway and start living a “normal life,” but, I was also a little worried now that I didn’t have any rules to follow or cups to pee in. A new beginning in my sober life where my own accountability would really come into play.
One of the first things I did when I moved in was find some meetings in my area, as I was now about 35-40 minutes from my home group. I found a few and they just weren’t the best fit for me. So, I kept looking for one I liked. Lo and behold, I ended up finding an NA group on Saturday nights. Mind you, I am an alcoholic. Drugs don’t have much to do with my story. I tried some when I got out of the Marines, but none of them did anything for me. So I stuck with the bottle, but I remember giving this meeting a shot just to see. I ended up loving it. This brings me to this point about meetings: Don’t be afraid to try different meetings. If you just settle, you will probably get tired and bored of the meeting(s) you are going to, and ultimately might end up stopping going because of this. Variety is the spice of life, my friends.
This meeting would be crucial in my time living at that house, especially because my favorite one was on Saturday nights. For whatever reason, Saturdays were always the toughest for me. It’s not that I wanted to go out and party, I would just find myself feeling down. Even if I had a great week and a good day.
My first REAL, REAL sober job. One that I am beyond fortunate enough to still have to this day. When I got the call about a job opening at Transformations, I was through the roof. So much so that the call took me by surprise, and I acted like I could have cared less. I cared. I was just in shock. I had taken the H&I commitment a little bit ago and was absolutely loving it, and I stayed in contact with the Alumni Department after leaving treatment, attending Zoom meetings, and even speaking on Alumni Night. But I did not see that call coming. While I was ecstatic to take the job, it was a little nerve-rattling. Not only am I going into a professional environment, but it was also the same freaking place where I got sober! I had no clue what the expectations were going to be. I also learned really quickly that even though I was working in Treatment, I couldn’t allow myself to substitute other people’s recovery for my own. So, I went back to what I already knew. I continued going to my regular meetings and reaching out to my other sober supports. I also learned I had an INCREDIBLE amount of support around me at work. New beginnings, but the same mindset. I knew I had to keep this going if I were to stay on track.
At the beginning of this month, I had probably my biggest “New Beginning” to date. I moved into my first sober place on my own. Flying solo, in a new town about 45 minutes away from where I have been living since getting sober. All I would keep hearing is “This is so great! Congratulations! What a new step for you and how far you have come!” But, why was I so nervous, then? The anxiety? It’s true, I am living in a brand-new place that for all intents and purposes, is much nicer on the exterior than I am! So, I knew what I had to do. With the help of a co-worker/friend, I was able to find a great new meeting room right by me and started attending meetings there and meeting new people. Hell, I even went and played bingo there this past Saturday night! And, had someone ask me to speak at their home group, recently. I agreed and in the process, met some more new people and another meeting I could attend. Again, same trend. New beginnings, same mindset.
If I am going to delve into my A.A.’isms, it really is one day at a time. And for every new beginning or first I may have, I know one thing has to remain a constant. And that is my upkeep in my recovery. Attend meetings, help others, and be of service when and where I can. Because if I stop doing these things, I will stop having new beginnings and revert back to old habits.
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