By: Lisa Blomgren, Transformations Alumni Coordinator
Lesson 1: Someone Else’s Recovery Does Not Have to Be Mine
When I first got sober, I would fluctuate through periods of being very proud of myself and then comparing myself
and my recovery journey to others. When walking to work in the blazing hot Florida sun, I saw my friends getting assistance from their families to buy cars. When I was starting to get the itch to move out of halfway, I saw people I knew putting down deposits on apartments with their friends. I saw people getting into serious relationships, having more fun than I was having on a Friday night, getting good jobs, having more sponsees than me, and being able to recite chapters from the Big Book with ease.
One evening when I was feeling down on myself, I picked up the phone to call my sponsor. I was searching for validation that I had it worse than others, for someone to tell me that my hard work was not paying off. Instead, she gently reminded me that I had been in active addiction for almost an entire decade and that I should not expect the damage to unravel entirely overnight.
She also reminded me that comparison is the greatest stealer of joy. Or, as Teddy Roosevelt stated, “comparison is the thief of joy.” By comparing myself to others, I was only harming myself. I realize now that my recovery journey was on track, and my timeline was individualized for a reason. I may have had to work a little harder for some things, but I appreciated them more when they finally came!
Comparison creates breaks in relationships as resentments form. It causes poor self-esteem, can lead to anxiety and depression and can trick you into thinking that you should give up on sobriety altogether. There will always be things that I do not have. I can make two choices in life. I can constantly look around at others and think, “that’s not fair,” or “that’s where I should be,” or I can slow down and appreciate all I have at that moment. This does not mean I become complacent or do not have goals; I need to trust the process and enjoy the journey. I am not focusing solely on the destination. It is beautiful to have the sense of freedom that comes with knowing that you are good enough, that you are right where you should be, and that you can be happy for others and what they have.
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