By: Mike Murphy, Manager of Alumni Services
First, a disclaimer: I am aware and a believer that there are other ways to get and remain sober outside of the 12 Steps. However, this is what has worked and continues to work for me to this day.
One of the very first things that is recommended to you (strongly) in treatment is that when you discharge and you get home or wherever your next destination is, is to find a homegroup. For those reading that aren’t hip on the lingo, a homegroup is a specific meeting of AA/NA that you will be attending regularly. For example, the 5:30 meeting at the 441 Club. This was my first homegroup. After I was discharged from Transformations, every evening at 5:30pm this was where you could find me. Did I know full why? Not at first. Only that it was recommended to me and I was also, strongly, recommended to start taking suggestions. So, I took the suggestion and found this “homegroup”.
When I started going to the 441 Group, I had never even been to an AA meeting. I know what you may be thinking. “You just left treatment, how is that a thing?!”. A ha. I went to Transformations during Covid when the rooms were shut down. So we only had makeshift AA meetings held at property by staff. So, I was completely green to the processes and traditions of an AA room. Let alone becoming a member of a homegroup. Afterall, I just thought these was where people gathered to talk about their drinking, smoke cigarettes and eat donuts/cookies and drink strong black coffee. That’s what they do on TV and movies, right? Wrong. It is so much more than that.
Shortly after the meeting was over, it was like they could smell it on me. A few of the older gentlemen that were in the meeting approached me and introduced themselves. Who am I kidding? Everyone was an older Gentleman in that meeting.Which ended up being just what I needed. I explained to them that I had just gotten out of treatment and that this was in fact my first actual AA meeting. And just like I had been told at Transformations, these strangers pretty much opened their arms to me welcoming me to their beloved room. And encouraged me to keep coming back. Which I did. And after a few days, one of them made the comment, “So, I guess it’s safe to say you found yourself a homegroup?”. And while I didn’t know for sure, it felt right. In even just a few days I had started to become more comfortable and even willing to share here and there. And these people even remembered my name! Hell, I didn’t remember half of theirs, but they remembered mine!
This was where I would really cut my teeth for the first few years of my sobriety. I often say, “Transformations got me sober, the 441 taught me how to STAY sober,” But it also taught me a lot about being sober. How to remain sober, even during life’s trying times. Like the ones which used to baffle me and send me running for the bar. It taught me how to trust others, again. And it taught me how to trust myself, again. See, a homegroup isn’t just a room. It’s made up of its inhabitants. And that’s where the magic happens. When you surround yourself with like minded people with a common goal, amazing things happen. When I had a question about my sobriety or how to handle a situation in this new life, I knew there was a place where 15-20 people would be more than willing to give me advice. Sometimes it might not have been what I wanted to hear, but it was what I NEEDED to hear. This group of strangers slowly turns into a giant support group and before you know it they turn into an extension of your own family. This is why it is so strongly recommended you do this. Who on this planet doesn’t need a little extra support now and again?
When I moved away from the area I knew I was going to have to find a new homegroup. There was no way I could work and make the trip in time each day. But I still visit whenever I get the chance. But still, when I moved into my new place two years ago, I just had that feeling something was missing. Sure, I had my weekly work ZOOM meeting and my separate ZOOM Men’s meeting I attend each week. But it wasn’t enough. Wouldn’t you know it, one day a co-worker came up to me and told me about her Father accepting his 9 year medallion at his homegroup near my new place and invited me to come to it. Honored to even be asked, of course I said yes. When I walked into that room, it was like I had walked back into a long lost home. It felt natural. It felt good. It felt comfortable. I knew I had arrived.
I recently celebrated my 4 year anniversary at that room and I still feel the same way each time I walk in there as I did the first time. I know people in there by name, and people in there know me by name. I know if I ever have a struggle, I can ask someone their opinion and they’ll give it to me. Or, I know I can hear someone else’s story and gain a new perspective on my own that might be just what I needed to hear without even knowing it. After all, I am surrounded with like minded people with the same shared goal. To Remain sober. But the most important part of it all……I feel at home.
If you’re contemplating 12 Step and are concerned about the stereotypes, I implore you……Please go check it out for yourself. You might find yourself a second home. I know I did. Twice.
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