In case you missed our February monthly tune-up meeting- it was run by our very own Johnny, who discussed the importance of boundaries and how to maintain them as you move along in your recovery journey. To keep the theme of boundaries going strong, I decided to share an excellent TED Talk from 2015, where Sarri Gilman discusses her own personal experience with setting boundaries and how she has used them to live a fulfilling, less stressful, authentic life.
When I make follow-up phone calls to our incredible Alumni, one of the first things that you may recall me asking is “what does your self-care look like these days?” I often get similar responses. People tell me that they are meditating, doing yoga, therapy, hitting meetings, the beach, or going to the gym. These are all EXCELLENT examples of self-care and are how I would typically answer this question as well, but one form of self-care that I do not often hear about is boundaries. Sarri mentions in her TED Talk that 50 to 58% of people are suffering from high stress. She emphasizes that one of the best ways to relieve high stress is by setting healthy limits and boundaries with your loved ones and community. Boundaries are self-care and they are just as important as our weekly gym routine, our yoga class, or our 12-step commitment because, without them, we run the risk of spreading ourselves too thin. When I first got sober, I wanted to be “captain recovery”. I wanted to do ALL the things! I wanted to take on every commitment, I wanted to have a booming social life, work 40 hours a week, and people please so that everyone would like me. I lacked balance and I often found myself stressed out because I said “yes” to everyone. I was not being true to myself and I was not listening to my exhausted mind and body. I thought people would not like me or not ask me to do something again if I said no the first time. I quickly found myself burnt out and had to take a step back and reevaluate how I spent my time and who and what I said yes to. When I started saying no, I was extremely uncomfortable, but when I saw that people did not immediately “hate me” based on my response and that they still texted me back the next day, I realized that my value did not solely lie in how thin I spread myself. I also learned that by setting boundaries, I could actually show up for those in my life even better than I had been before. I was able to show up more authentically because I was no longer stressed, exhausted, and resentful. I was able to give my all to the commitments that I did take on and I felt refreshed. I realized that I could go to yoga, therapy, a meeting, and get a massage every day of the week, but if I was not saying no to things that truly did not sit right with me, I was not fully practicing self-care and I was not allowing myself the space that I needed. This was basically canceling out all of those other awesome things that I was doing. I was not practicing what I was preaching to my sponsees and the people that I helped at my job. There are still moments today when my old initial response to say “yes” creeps in, but I am able to pause and assess the situation and make a choice based on what sits right with me. I have learned “how to listen to my no.”
If you are struggling with finding balance and setting boundaries, reach out to one of us in the alumni department. We would love to hear from you!
Our Accreditations
