You can’t change your past, you just have to learn to live with it. Yeah, that sucks, and to be honest, it was overwhelming in early sobriety. When I look back on my past it is often referred to as a “tornado of terror” by those 
who love me. I certainly created chaos for everyone who was involved in my life, my own child included. If you really want to succeed in life, I would recommend doing the opposite of what I did. I almost feel like if you got an inspirational bracelet that said WWTD (What Would Troy Do) and did the opposite, you will be on the right track to becoming a successful human. I truly was a nightmare – until three years ago.
I turned some amazing corner three years ago when I came to treatment. Drugs and alcohol had beaten me to within a few months of my life and I was at my bottom again. This time I was determined to not return. I worked a program, did the next right thing, and got back on a positive path, but in the darkness of the wreckage of my path still loomed large in my heart. I made amends where I could, I still am working on that process, and lived my life every day but the shame and guilt of my past still haunted me. Phrases like, “Live in the moment” and “Just for today” are great and all, but early on it didn’t really make me feel better. If time travel were possible, I could change some things, but to be honest I wouldn’t be a great time traveler. I am sure my higher power wouldn’t let me time travel like in Back to The Future where I get to pick the date and time to go, I would most likely be stuck in some sort of Quantum Leap situation where I leap into the past of someone else’s bad choices. I had to figure out how to live with what I had done in the past. At that point, I decided to come at it in a different way, a softer, more hopeful approach.
I got out of treatment and started to live right – each day clean and sober, kind to others, and active in my life.
One day, I had a therapist ask me, “How was your day yesterday?” I replied, “Great!” with a newfound confidence. “Stayed sober, helped a kid at the transitional living house, and went to the ocean.” There it was in all its glory; the solution to my mental anguish. Do you see it? Let me explain…
Everything you do today tomorrow is part of your past!
This was a game-changer for me. With over two decades of drinking, drugs, and all-out tomfoolery (my Grandpa loved that word) I needed a way to make my past LOOK better.
If I look at my past from April 2015 and back, it looks like a B movie horror show, full of ridiculous plots and crazy schemes designed to let me drink more. But from May 5th to the current date, my past looks amazing! Each day for almost three years I wake up sober, go to bed sober, and try my best to not intentionally harm anyone throughout the day. If I do hurt someone, I make amends with them as soon as I can. I pray every day at least once, and if I am surfing I pray more because I am really not very good, and I try to do better every day to help others.
Everything you do today tomorrow will be a part of your past. It really is a hopeful way to look at your life. No matter 
what bad things were that I did before today, I now have the chance to do better. I am a bit older so I may not end my life with more good than bad, but I am sure going to try. To you young people in recovery, there is a world of hope for you. Say you are 26 years old and started your “rough past” at 16, you’ve got 10 years of your life looking a little sketch, but that’s okay. If you live to 86 and buy into this one-day-at-a-time thing and make them great positive days, you will give yourself 60 years of awesomeness!
60 YEARS!
And when that day comes and you look back on your past you won’t even see the rough 10 years of using. You will be able to look at your life and say, “I lived a great life.” That is power. That is peace. That is a life worth living.
If you or a loved one are struggling with substance abuse and/or mental health, please reach out!
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