By: Mike Murphy, Manager of Alumni Services
In early recovery we are taught the importance of separating yourself from certain people, places, and things. And for obvious reasons. All three of those things, whether together or separate can be quite troublesome for someone newly into recovery. And if we are being honest, anyone in recovery, really. So why in the world, of all places, would I want to go to Las Vegas? I thought my decision-making skills were supposed to get BETTER with sobriety.
It’s actually not as wild as one might think. I wasn’t going for a birthday or bachelor party or anything like that. You know, the typical reasons one visits Sin City. I have a longtime friend from South Florida who moved out there and the idea came up of me going to visit and I decided why not? It also helped that I knew she doesn’t drink anymore. And that we weren’t going to be doing the normal on the strip, touristy Vegas things. I would be seeing locals Vegas. Which is what I always prefer when I travel, anyways. But, still……It’s Vegas.
Getting to Vegas was just what I expected. I was taking a 10pm flight to be landing at midnight, Vegas time. So naturally, a fair amount of my fellow passengers had already started pre-gaming for Viva Las Vegas. Our terminal looked like a White Claw graveyard by the time we started boarding. And it didn’t stop there. The woman in front of me seemed to be hell bent on getting black out wasted by the time we touched down in Nevada. And she was doing a pretty damn good job of it. The flight crew on this flight were beyond patient. Almost Saintly. And during all this? All I could think about was, “Holy shit. How much is this running her?? She’s gotta be at a $100 by now!”. Never at one point was I jealous or even tempted. I was more concerned with how much money I was saving NOT drinking like I used to on these kinds of flights. Or in my case, ANY flight I was on.
Checking into my hotel was also an experience. There was a line of about 50 people ahead of me waiting to check in. And it seemed every party had the designated “runner” that would go to the bar to get cocktails whilst their other half waited in line. Except for these two younger guys. They brought their own. They each had a case of beer they pushed around on top of their suitcases. At first, it was kind of comical. And definitely reminded me of something I would have done. But the comical part was short lived and before I knew it, I was just annoyed with them. I remember thinking, “Why are they trying so hard?! Chill out!”. And then I remembered. They just wanted to be the life of the party. They wanted everyone to like them. Just like I used to be. I was the annoying guy in line. Now, I’m the solo guy in line that just wants to get checked in because it is WAY past my bedtime and my neck hurts from that flight.
Being the absolute maniac that I am, I was up and out the door at 6:30am in the search for coffee. I found coffee. I also found the couple in a heated argument at the bar. Each yelling at the other that they needed to “cool it”. Which I found somewhat comical. Telling a person to cool it as you’re drinking at a bar at 6:30am seems sort of bass ackwards. Sure, the old me would have relished in the idea of not being able to sleep and instead, going downstairs to a bar and drinking myself to sleep. But now, I just sat there with my coffee watching this couple and the other people mulling around pre daylight hours and I just became kind of sad. Not for myself, though. I was feeling sad for the people I was watching. Which maybe is selfish. Who knows? Maybe these people were actually enjoying themselves. But all I know is, it made me think of what I would be like sitting in that barstool had I not stopped drinking. Only I wouldn’t have the other person there telling me to cool it. I would be alone, per usual. Alone, by myself, at a bar, at 6:30am….in Las Vegas. See? That just sounds depressing.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There was some fun to be had. Sober fun. There was plenty of amazing food to be had. Including this one place that had this anchovy butter for their bread that just changed my life. I got to check out their ACTUAL downtown and Arts District. I thought the whole time The Strip WAS downtown. Nope. Downtown Vegas was way cooler. And dare I say it…..Normal. For anyone that knows me, this won’t come as a surprise, but I went and checked out a haunted museum from the guy from Ghost Adventures. That was intense to say the least. But the coolest thing I did while there? A sunset ATV ride through the Mojave Desert. How freaking cool is that? And all the while I couldn’t help but think, “this is real life. I am in Vegas in the desert on a freaking ATV watching the sun go down. All because I am sober.” I kid you not. I am not embellishing that.
To recap it all….While I can see how many would be concerned about a place like Las Vegas; it almost served as something else to me. It ended up serving to me almost like a form of exposure therapy. Through the lens of sobriety, I got to see Vegas for what it’s worth. On both the good side, and the bad. The bad side was enough to make my stomach turn and genuinely make me feel sad. The good side? It made me think just how fortunate I am that I made the decision to stop drinking. It also really drove home that “the obsession had been lifted”. To go into the belly of the beast and not be tempted in even the slightest is saying something. And for that, I owe it to Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 Steps.
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