By: Jason C., The Rehab Center alumnus
I have spent my whole life trying to avoid pain
Its always been a constant, always the same
“Don’t speak, don’t feel, you’re nothing,” is what I knew
In the broken household where I grew
But deep down inside I was quietly screaming
‘Leave it to Beaver’ is what I was dreaming
As I got older, I became more aware
The pain I felt inside, no one cares
The first time I used, and all that pain went away
I finally laughed, fit in, the skies weren’t so grey
When I got older, and things got too tough
I had learned to escape when the waters got rough
THIS IS THE ANSWER screamed through my mind
I laughed finally, relaxed, to everyone I seem fine
Until the next morning, and the pain reappeared
Even greater than yesterday, my sanity I started to fear
No one can understand me, so they could never forgive
I felt I had to use if I were to live
I felt more and more pain as the calendar turned
There has to be more, and another bridge I burned
But now the pain, I was causing myself
A husband, a father, man, I became stealth
All I ever knew was escaping this pain
Now I have to face it, no more of this game
I have to be strong to break this chain
The chain that held me and caused more pain
I have been so afraid to feel this unknown
Be cut open, wide and deep, fully exposed
Then put back together with stitches and scars
I’m stronger now, I have survived the wars
I have to break the cycle causing this drama
Putting innocent loved ones through so much trauma
They didn’t deserve to have an absent dad
Husband, brother, son, its all been so bad
I feel it now, what they must have felt
Playing a losing hand they were so unfairly dealt
It wasn’t their fault, I am the one to blame
It will only get better if I own the shame
I know I cannot take away all the sorrows
But I will lay down my life for better tomorrows
And everything I have for a better life
For Friends, myself, my kids, my wife.
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